July 7, 2013
As transcendent as the Ananda/traveling experience has been, the fellow karma yogis and I all share a similar worry. Going home.
Environment is stronger than will. We all sought out a spiritual place because we fell out of balance in the lives we were living. Reintegrating back into society with its distractions and temptations is a real threat to the stillness we're working to create in ourselves.
The spiritual path isn't an easy one. It's a constant test of faith, not just in universal energies but also faith that only we truly know what's best for ourselves. Obtaining inner peace isn't a passive process, it is a battle. It's easy to surrender to life's chaos in tumultuous duality, to give in to the ebb and flow of worldly happiness and sadness. In the Bhagavad Gita it describes the constant battle between dark and light within the consciousness of man. But we mustn't repress the dark, we must accept it and outshine the dark with the light. One can never find peace through passivity, it's through the noble fight of overcoming all negative aspects of life and of our consciousness.
In alchemy our consciousness is represented by a dark cave, and our shadow consciousness, (where the negative aspects of ourselves and the things we repress live) is represented by a fierce dragon. We can never kill this dragon, though. We can only hope to tame it to the point where it no longer serves as a threat. After we tame the fierce dragon he is represented as the friendly green dragon.
It takes a determined mind to obtain clarity in the face of duality. Because of the very nature of duality, there is joy in painful experience, and pain in joy. Mostly we discover this in retrospect, but even in immense worldly happiness we can find darkness as we understand the inevitable end to such happiness. Knowledge itself is a source of great pain as well as happiness. Life is a constant roller coaster of ups and downs and we are not easily detached from this relative, cyclical, and contradictory world. It takes a spiritual warrior to drown darkness with light and to also stay detached from worldly happiness and sadness as they understand it is transient. Yogananda said, "A saint is just a sinner who never gave up."
Real joy lays in the application of ones will, in giving, in expansion. In divine bliss there is no opposite. It's complete freedom, overcoming all obstacles in our consciousness where we can thrive in a reality with no boundaries. It's here we can dance along the boarders of parallel realities, feel the pulse of the universe in our cells and understand our power as divine creators.
"Defeat exists, but not suffering. A true warrior knows that when he
loses a battle he is improving the skill with which he wields a sword.
He will be able to fight more skillfully next time. "
Paulo Coelho
Friday, August 23, 2013
Dancing Through Life
July, 1, 2013
The natural builders of Ananda invited us to the Stonehouse to go dancing. They were having an event with all female dj's. I've never danced to electronic music before and... was terrified. I decided to put all my centering work I've been doing at Ananda to the test... and I tried real hard to not make eye contact with anyone. I'd be forced to give an awkward smile and then they'd know I'm totally out of my element. Classic projection, I know.
I sat for a long time on the sidelines watching all kinds of people dance. Some swayed back and forth in their own rhythm, some people were jumping and running around the dance floor, using their whole body. It was so interesting to feel the energy of the music and watch how each individual got lost in it and expressed it in their unique way.
I hoped someone would force me out on the dance floor, but realized it was going to be up to me. Eventually I summoned up the courage to find my own rhythm to this foreign and unpredictable music... the key for me was to close my eyes, suppress judgement and just learn it. I let go into the energy and eventually found my flow.
The interesting thing about electronic music is that it's so unpredictable. The sound changes so suddenly and if you're dancing to it you're forced to adapt really quickly. As the night progressed I got better and faster at adapting to the quick changes and figuring out how to move to the beats I'm unfamiliar with.
I understand how people say life is like a dance. We can learn to surrender to the flow and when life changes abruptly we can learn to adapt quickly to stay in the flow.
Our ability to adapt with life and keep our stillness in times of transition is more than half the battle.
The natural builders of Ananda invited us to the Stonehouse to go dancing. They were having an event with all female dj's. I've never danced to electronic music before and... was terrified. I decided to put all my centering work I've been doing at Ananda to the test... and I tried real hard to not make eye contact with anyone. I'd be forced to give an awkward smile and then they'd know I'm totally out of my element. Classic projection, I know.
I sat for a long time on the sidelines watching all kinds of people dance. Some swayed back and forth in their own rhythm, some people were jumping and running around the dance floor, using their whole body. It was so interesting to feel the energy of the music and watch how each individual got lost in it and expressed it in their unique way.
I hoped someone would force me out on the dance floor, but realized it was going to be up to me. Eventually I summoned up the courage to find my own rhythm to this foreign and unpredictable music... the key for me was to close my eyes, suppress judgement and just learn it. I let go into the energy and eventually found my flow.
The interesting thing about electronic music is that it's so unpredictable. The sound changes so suddenly and if you're dancing to it you're forced to adapt really quickly. As the night progressed I got better and faster at adapting to the quick changes and figuring out how to move to the beats I'm unfamiliar with.
I understand how people say life is like a dance. We can learn to surrender to the flow and when life changes abruptly we can learn to adapt quickly to stay in the flow.
Our ability to adapt with life and keep our stillness in times of transition is more than half the battle.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
A Sense of Community
June 27, 2013
Yesterday was a amazing day. I had the morning off so Tom and I went to Mother Truckers (a health food convenience store) and then down to the Yuba river. Tom is such an interesting guy, he's very soft spoken and at first seems distant but really he's very warm and insightful. We sat on some big rocks by the river and talked about the idea of renunciation and life purpose. We both felt like nothing can be really gained from forced renunciation, that it really creates repression which isn't conducive to evolution. To deny our human nature is to deny an aspect of ourselves instead of accept it. I feel we must learn to open our hearts and love ourselves unconditionally. This means accepting all our weaknesses and "faults".
Later that day a group of us (Clark, Tom, Frank, Celia, Cheni) all went to swimming in the Yuba. We had to climb down a very steep hill down to the river which was full of smooth white rocks and boulders. The river created a little lagoon that was pretty deep and surrounded by rocks and little waterfalls. The water was cold and felt clean and pure. A place for cliff diving too, there was a huge boulder we could jump off into the river. It was scary every. single. time. But so therapeutic.
Later that night Frank and I were on our way to Lotus Lake to do the Gayatri when we ran into Clark. He was on evening shift and someone didn't show up for the shift. The evening shift is the worst one because you can't leave until everything gets done, so we decided to help him. Soon after that Richard stopped by looking for us and asked us if we needed help, but before we said anything he declared he was going to help us anyway. With all of us working together we got it done in record time... but most importantly was while we worked the conversation flowed. We talked about quantum physics, creating our realities, healing, manifestation, and the law of attraction. It's such an amazing feeling to talk freely about the things you're passionate about with people who are equally passionate about it. We shared experiences and knowledge and created knew ideas. Even after the shift we all stayed up half the night talking.
Richard told me about his method of healing called Theta Healing which he learned in Thailand. He helps people reprogram their minds on a subconscious level. He helps take away unwanted agreements and beliefs stored in our subconscious and replaces it with something more productive and positive. He offered to give me a session and I'm very curious to see how it works and learn from him.
It's a world of difference to be surrounded by like-minded friends. We all eat together, joke together, work together, listen to each other. We each have something different to offer in conversation, different perspectives with the same general idea in mind. Even though we all just met, it feels as if we've known each other for years. I'm learning more from the fellow karma yogis than I have in years.
There's talk about all of us starting our own retreat/commune. One that isn't dogmatic or fundamentalist. We'll have pyramids, natural building, and an aquaponics farm. It'll be a place of refuge for the spirit, a place of healing and expansion. The most exciting this is that I really feel we can achieve anything. Anything is possible if you live in the realm of Spirit, follow your heart, and your passion.
Yesterday was a amazing day. I had the morning off so Tom and I went to Mother Truckers (a health food convenience store) and then down to the Yuba river. Tom is such an interesting guy, he's very soft spoken and at first seems distant but really he's very warm and insightful. We sat on some big rocks by the river and talked about the idea of renunciation and life purpose. We both felt like nothing can be really gained from forced renunciation, that it really creates repression which isn't conducive to evolution. To deny our human nature is to deny an aspect of ourselves instead of accept it. I feel we must learn to open our hearts and love ourselves unconditionally. This means accepting all our weaknesses and "faults".
Later that day a group of us (Clark, Tom, Frank, Celia, Cheni) all went to swimming in the Yuba. We had to climb down a very steep hill down to the river which was full of smooth white rocks and boulders. The river created a little lagoon that was pretty deep and surrounded by rocks and little waterfalls. The water was cold and felt clean and pure. A place for cliff diving too, there was a huge boulder we could jump off into the river. It was scary every. single. time. But so therapeutic.
Later that night Frank and I were on our way to Lotus Lake to do the Gayatri when we ran into Clark. He was on evening shift and someone didn't show up for the shift. The evening shift is the worst one because you can't leave until everything gets done, so we decided to help him. Soon after that Richard stopped by looking for us and asked us if we needed help, but before we said anything he declared he was going to help us anyway. With all of us working together we got it done in record time... but most importantly was while we worked the conversation flowed. We talked about quantum physics, creating our realities, healing, manifestation, and the law of attraction. It's such an amazing feeling to talk freely about the things you're passionate about with people who are equally passionate about it. We shared experiences and knowledge and created knew ideas. Even after the shift we all stayed up half the night talking.
Richard told me about his method of healing called Theta Healing which he learned in Thailand. He helps people reprogram their minds on a subconscious level. He helps take away unwanted agreements and beliefs stored in our subconscious and replaces it with something more productive and positive. He offered to give me a session and I'm very curious to see how it works and learn from him.
It's a world of difference to be surrounded by like-minded friends. We all eat together, joke together, work together, listen to each other. We each have something different to offer in conversation, different perspectives with the same general idea in mind. Even though we all just met, it feels as if we've known each other for years. I'm learning more from the fellow karma yogis than I have in years.
There's talk about all of us starting our own retreat/commune. One that isn't dogmatic or fundamentalist. We'll have pyramids, natural building, and an aquaponics farm. It'll be a place of refuge for the spirit, a place of healing and expansion. The most exciting this is that I really feel we can achieve anything. Anything is possible if you live in the realm of Spirit, follow your heart, and your passion.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Sunday Service
June 23, 2013
Woke up this morning to birds chirping and squirrels running around in the leaves. They sound the huge bell gong at 6:30 that creates a vibration throughout the property. I went to the morning yoga/energization/meditation class but I had a very distracted meditation and left after only 15 minutes. After breakfast they had a fire ceremony which wasn't to far off from the vedic fire ceremony I've been to with Amma. It was short but we chanted the same mantra's (different styles) and got to burn our blockages or what we want to manifest in our lives. I meditated a lot during this time and all throughout the Sunday service.
The service was clearly an integration of eastern tradition and traditional Christian service. We sang hymns, but called it chanting. Everything was sung with a harmonium, songs of devotion. Then 4 people dressed in blue that are much like the spiritual priests or nuns of Ananda all sat and channeled "masters" blessings. These people have dedicated their lives to God and Yogananda's teachings and renunciated worldly pleasures like sex and drugs. We all walked up in a line (much like taking communion) and kneeled or sat in front of them as they activated out heart chakra's until they say "Master say's you are free" and then we get up walk to the fire and burn our letter to the universe.
I didn't feel a whole lot when these people blessed me, and I didn't care for the chanting portion of the service. I tried to keep an open mind, but I feel resistance towards the idea of devoting myself to God as something separate from myself, especially when that something is another human being.I believe we are all incarnations of God, so really it's the worship of another human being that I can't feel comfortable with. I see all saints sages and guru's as my friends, and I talk to them as though they are my friends. I don't sing devotional songs to my friends, or worship them. Especially if they've transcended ego and don't care anyway.
After all that I did my service work required of me to stay at Ananda. It consisted of cleaning and restocking, basic maintenance of the Expanding Light.
Later in the day I went for a walk by myself. I walked down to Lotus Lake and it started to rain, so I sat under a tree and watched the ripples in the lake. Under the shelter of tree, watching the raindrops fall around me and seeing the ripples expand in the lake... I contemplated the Cosmic Ocean, non dualism and interconnectedness. I watched some deer roam around in the rain and eventually continued my walk. Being in nature, undisturbed and undistracted reminds me that nothing is without meaning. Being aware to this is to start decoding the messages being sent constantly by the universe.
Woke up this morning to birds chirping and squirrels running around in the leaves. They sound the huge bell gong at 6:30 that creates a vibration throughout the property. I went to the morning yoga/energization/meditation class but I had a very distracted meditation and left after only 15 minutes. After breakfast they had a fire ceremony which wasn't to far off from the vedic fire ceremony I've been to with Amma. It was short but we chanted the same mantra's (different styles) and got to burn our blockages or what we want to manifest in our lives. I meditated a lot during this time and all throughout the Sunday service.
The service was clearly an integration of eastern tradition and traditional Christian service. We sang hymns, but called it chanting. Everything was sung with a harmonium, songs of devotion. Then 4 people dressed in blue that are much like the spiritual priests or nuns of Ananda all sat and channeled "masters" blessings. These people have dedicated their lives to God and Yogananda's teachings and renunciated worldly pleasures like sex and drugs. We all walked up in a line (much like taking communion) and kneeled or sat in front of them as they activated out heart chakra's until they say "Master say's you are free" and then we get up walk to the fire and burn our letter to the universe.
I didn't feel a whole lot when these people blessed me, and I didn't care for the chanting portion of the service. I tried to keep an open mind, but I feel resistance towards the idea of devoting myself to God as something separate from myself, especially when that something is another human being.I believe we are all incarnations of God, so really it's the worship of another human being that I can't feel comfortable with. I see all saints sages and guru's as my friends, and I talk to them as though they are my friends. I don't sing devotional songs to my friends, or worship them. Especially if they've transcended ego and don't care anyway.
After all that I did my service work required of me to stay at Ananda. It consisted of cleaning and restocking, basic maintenance of the Expanding Light.
Later in the day I went for a walk by myself. I walked down to Lotus Lake and it started to rain, so I sat under a tree and watched the ripples in the lake. Under the shelter of tree, watching the raindrops fall around me and seeing the ripples expand in the lake... I contemplated the Cosmic Ocean, non dualism and interconnectedness. I watched some deer roam around in the rain and eventually continued my walk. Being in nature, undisturbed and undistracted reminds me that nothing is without meaning. Being aware to this is to start decoding the messages being sent constantly by the universe.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
California and Ananda
June 22, 2013
My first day at Ananda Village... it's so beautiful.
We made it to Venice Beach, but couldn't find a place to stay. We walked around the boardwalk and I soaked up the ocean breeze thinking about and blessing my mom on her birthday. After driving up the coast til about midnight we pulled over and slept in the car til about 6 a.m.
We drove the long drive to San Fransisco and saw the Golden Gate Bridge which was big and beautiful. The traffic in California was really trying on our patience. It's just one big traffic jam. But we did make up a new word. When you're stuck in traffic and you have to pee... you're in "Peegatory".
I wish we had more time to see the city but we instead decided to make it to Sacramento. Sacramento was a breath of fresh air! I found a vegan/raw food restaurant called Plum Cafe and found my people. The city was beautiful and the people were beautiful. Like a tiny Austin.
I don't have a roommate and I'm really enjoying my alone time. Being alone is so important for me to process and get grounded again. I'm discovering the importance of making decisions by myself without outside influence, trusting my intuition and my heart.
I went to my first Sadhana today. The yoga wasn't challenging but it felt good to stretch and get in touch with my body. We did something called energization which is focusing on and activating all our muscles independently from toes to our head. The idea is to become sensitive to energy and be able to direct energy up our spine and out through our third eye. All the yoga poses were designed to activate certain chakra's as well. After energization and yoga postures we did a 45 minute meditation.
In my meditation I had some divine discourse. I feel more of my fears melting away and less of a need to make excuses. I also had an interesting merging of philosophies. In alchemy it speaks of the feminine energy and the masculine energy and how they separate, purify, and come back together to form a Divine Union, or marriage. Out of this union they produce the philosophers stone which can transmutate lesser materials into gold. It also will give you the elixir of life so you will become immortal. In religion it speaks of the Divine Mother and the Divine Father and we are their children created out of their cosmic love. Guru's are enlightened because they realize this and merge with this divinity and understand their powers of transmutation. Because they realize this they also break free of the cycles of samsara and realize the immortality of the Spirit. All we have to do is realize our divinity and understand our own power is limitless. Boundaries are dissolving...
My first day at Ananda Village... it's so beautiful.
We made it to Venice Beach, but couldn't find a place to stay. We walked around the boardwalk and I soaked up the ocean breeze thinking about and blessing my mom on her birthday. After driving up the coast til about midnight we pulled over and slept in the car til about 6 a.m.
We drove the long drive to San Fransisco and saw the Golden Gate Bridge which was big and beautiful. The traffic in California was really trying on our patience. It's just one big traffic jam. But we did make up a new word. When you're stuck in traffic and you have to pee... you're in "Peegatory".
I wish we had more time to see the city but we instead decided to make it to Sacramento. Sacramento was a breath of fresh air! I found a vegan/raw food restaurant called Plum Cafe and found my people. The city was beautiful and the people were beautiful. Like a tiny Austin.
I don't have a roommate and I'm really enjoying my alone time. Being alone is so important for me to process and get grounded again. I'm discovering the importance of making decisions by myself without outside influence, trusting my intuition and my heart.
I went to my first Sadhana today. The yoga wasn't challenging but it felt good to stretch and get in touch with my body. We did something called energization which is focusing on and activating all our muscles independently from toes to our head. The idea is to become sensitive to energy and be able to direct energy up our spine and out through our third eye. All the yoga poses were designed to activate certain chakra's as well. After energization and yoga postures we did a 45 minute meditation.
In my meditation I had some divine discourse. I feel more of my fears melting away and less of a need to make excuses. I also had an interesting merging of philosophies. In alchemy it speaks of the feminine energy and the masculine energy and how they separate, purify, and come back together to form a Divine Union, or marriage. Out of this union they produce the philosophers stone which can transmutate lesser materials into gold. It also will give you the elixir of life so you will become immortal. In religion it speaks of the Divine Mother and the Divine Father and we are their children created out of their cosmic love. Guru's are enlightened because they realize this and merge with this divinity and understand their powers of transmutation. Because they realize this they also break free of the cycles of samsara and realize the immortality of the Spirit. All we have to do is realize our divinity and understand our own power is limitless. Boundaries are dissolving...
Phoenix
June 20, 2013
We're cruising along in California finally. We stayed in Phoenix last night with Franks friend, Jerry. I don't think I've ever met anyone more motivated and driven to make money. In his reality time is money, so... he spends all his waking (and probably some sleeping) minutes networking or working on his business. Phoenix in general seemed to hold that same energy. Consumerism, business, money, status, money, cars, more money. It was really miles away from the peace and stillness of little Taos. I could definitely feel the energetic difference, and how it affected me. Environment really is stronger than will. It's so important what we surround ourselves with, and who we surround ourselves with. But as Jerry would say, "It's your life bro, do what you want."
Today is mom's birthday. It seems so fitting that I will be finding my way to the ocean today. She's such a child of the ocean, and it makes sense. The ocean is so healing and maternal, they must see a soul mate in each other.
We're cruising along in California finally. We stayed in Phoenix last night with Franks friend, Jerry. I don't think I've ever met anyone more motivated and driven to make money. In his reality time is money, so... he spends all his waking (and probably some sleeping) minutes networking or working on his business. Phoenix in general seemed to hold that same energy. Consumerism, business, money, status, money, cars, more money. It was really miles away from the peace and stillness of little Taos. I could definitely feel the energetic difference, and how it affected me. Environment really is stronger than will. It's so important what we surround ourselves with, and who we surround ourselves with. But as Jerry would say, "It's your life bro, do what you want."
Today is mom's birthday. It seems so fitting that I will be finding my way to the ocean today. She's such a child of the ocean, and it makes sense. The ocean is so healing and maternal, they must see a soul mate in each other.
Monday, July 15, 2013
The Church of the Immaculate Conception
June 19, 2013
It's been one week on the road, but I feel light years away. Everything has flowed perfectly. After the silly timeshare presentation I felt inclined to see the Church of the Immaculate Conception. I've been reading Paulo Coelho and in his book he speaks about that religion and returning back to the Divine Feminine. The church was big and beautiful. I still feel a lot of resistance towards crosses and how Jesus is portrayed in churches, and religion in general, but I'm developing a relationship with the feminine side of god. I think it will open my heart more and help me heal all the emotional wounds I've inflicted on myself.
I found the alter of Our Lady of Guadalupe and for the first time I knelt and prayed to the Divine Mother in a serious fashion. I became very aware of the energy of kneeling in a place so many other had knelt when confused or suffering. All those people project their questions, prayers and energy onto this statue representing something divine and holy. It's beautiful, sacred and powerful... but ultimately an illusion. It's the power of our energy directed and focused that creates. We are all divine little buddha bodies, unrecognized and in denial.
"Everyone in the world is seeking one thing only: Bliss. That is because all being are manifestations of God's Bliss. Most people, however, translate that soul-desire into human terms: they seek emotional happiness. The only thing to which there is no opposite is inner Bliss." - Swami Kriyananda
It's been one week on the road, but I feel light years away. Everything has flowed perfectly. After the silly timeshare presentation I felt inclined to see the Church of the Immaculate Conception. I've been reading Paulo Coelho and in his book he speaks about that religion and returning back to the Divine Feminine. The church was big and beautiful. I still feel a lot of resistance towards crosses and how Jesus is portrayed in churches, and religion in general, but I'm developing a relationship with the feminine side of god. I think it will open my heart more and help me heal all the emotional wounds I've inflicted on myself.
I found the alter of Our Lady of Guadalupe and for the first time I knelt and prayed to the Divine Mother in a serious fashion. I became very aware of the energy of kneeling in a place so many other had knelt when confused or suffering. All those people project their questions, prayers and energy onto this statue representing something divine and holy. It's beautiful, sacred and powerful... but ultimately an illusion. It's the power of our energy directed and focused that creates. We are all divine little buddha bodies, unrecognized and in denial.
"Everyone in the world is seeking one thing only: Bliss. That is because all being are manifestations of God's Bliss. Most people, however, translate that soul-desire into human terms: they seek emotional happiness. The only thing to which there is no opposite is inner Bliss." - Swami Kriyananda
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